just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize