So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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