four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
