At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
