Old men and throwing up are my life now.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
