I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
