I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
