i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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