U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
