I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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