do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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