Where did you get a picture of my penis
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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