is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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