Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
