so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
