I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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