I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
