I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my liver is dry heaving
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
