NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
