**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
