Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
