I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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