Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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