Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
