Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
