I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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