You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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