tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
