Nicole vs. Life
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
