he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
