The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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