I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
