How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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