facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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