Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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