This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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