Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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