If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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