My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
