you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
