i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
