Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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