I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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