Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize