so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
