why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
