i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
