He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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