Banned from zoo.
Again?
well you can't waste a boner
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
