Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
