the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN