Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
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My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived