pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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