Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?

(248): View more from Michigan

oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk

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(972): View more from Texas

I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

(1-972): View more from Texas

I want to be a cop.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(443): View more from Maryland

like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine

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(410): View more from Maryland

I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward

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(231): View more from Michigan

the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update

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(775): View more from Nevada

yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.

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