cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
