so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.