his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
