Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
