"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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