we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
