I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
