I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
