Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
