True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door