What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
