I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize