So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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