And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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