In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Congratulations! We have a period
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