Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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