I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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