remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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