so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
