I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
