just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
